I’m not usually one to get excited about a new restaurant opening in DC, mostly because of the sheer volume of new restaurants that crop up in the Nation’s capital.  But on Friday, Nikki Rappaport tweeted about the newest restaurant from the minds behind Matchbox DC – Ted’s Bulletin.  Nikki linked to an article about Ted’s Bulletin in the Washington City Paper, which I immediately clicked on out of curiousity.  Matchbox had been tweeting about Ted’s Bulletin recently, but for some reason I never connected that it was a new restaurant (in fact, I thought they had something to do with Ted Talks – and no, I don’t know why).  After reading a few articles about the idea behind Ted’s Bulletin and checking out their menu, I was intrigued.  Co-owners Mark and Ty Neal named Ted’s Bulletin after their father, who was known to serve up down home, comfort food to friends and strangers alike.  Their aim is to create a fun, unpretentious atmosphere with familiar foods that conjure up feelings of home.  Uhmmm…and they have milk shakes.  That was enough to motivate me to seek out Ted’s…well that and the mac and cheese.

On Saturday, after a day at the Zoo, The Boy and I met up with Brian at Ted’s for dinner.  We arrived at 6, thinking we would have to wait a while for a table.  I looked around the front room, noticing both the art deco bar and the pastry case.  Thinking I would have time to scrutinize the front area more, I almost offhandedly went to the hostess station to put our name on the wait list.  Imagine my surprise when the hostess seated us right away, even though Brian had not yet arrived.  As soon as we sat down, The Boy noticed one side of the dining room wall was occupied by a screen playing the original King Kong.  Considering his absolute love for this film, it’s a wonder he was able to continue contributing to the conversation.  And even though I’m not a huge fan of the movie (I’m getting death stares for even thinking that, mind you), the touch of classic movies splayed across the wall set the tone for the entire restaurant.  And with each passing moment, the surroundings and the service only cemented that first visceral response to Ted’s.

The main dining room is one long space, divided into three parallel rows of seating.  The booths are a rich, mahogany wood overlayed with an eye catching tufted marigold padding.  Overhead is a big skylight, giving the dining room a bright and warm glow.  I looked around and noticed the hostess station was a replica of a company directory board from an old American building.  That’s when Brian mentioned a lot of the accents came from the 1928 Philadelphia Convention Center – including the lamps doting the room.  The attention to detail at Ted’s is exacting, reflecting just how much of the Neals’ spirit went into creating this restaurant.

We were presented with the menus, which are printed like a weekly newspaper.  Prominently featured on the front page is a picture of Ted Neal, resplendent in his (I believe) Navy uniform.  Clearly this is a restaurant that doesn’t take itself too seriously, I thought as I perused through the menu.  I briefly reviewed the breakfast and lunch menus, making a mental note to come back and try both meals at Ted’s.  But both The Boy and I had worked up an appetite meandering through the Zoo all day, so I zeroed in on the dinner options.  And the options screamed “comfort food”: country fried steak, meat loaf and spaghetti and meatballs; side dishes of macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes with gravy and baked beans, to name a few.  The descriptions under each item, however, suggested a slightly more sophisticated approach to these familiar favorites.  The meat loaf is made of angus beef and topped with a Mingo County ketchup glaze and the Brussel sprouts are tossed with blue cheese and thick cut bacon.  I settled on the country fried steak, the pull of my Grandmother’s South Georgia cooking making it impossible not to.

Our server (and I am very sorry I didn’t remember her name) came by and nicely explained a few things about the menu.  She pointed out that the kitchen was not yet ready to serve breakfast all day.  She did, however, mention the Breakfast burger was available should anyone have a craving for a morning twist on their meal.  She also explained that the roasted chicken wasn’t available and apologized in a way that was neither fawning nor dismissive.  When going to a recently opened restaurant, one expects a few growing pains when it comes to menu offerings and service.  But because our server was such a professional, the few issues with the menu were handled nicely.  She offered suggestions to ease any possible disappointments and highlighted the menu standouts.  We all decided on getting a milk shake, me going for the Oreo variety and The Boy zeroing in on the banana, peanut butter and chocolate one.  Brian, after much consideration, opted for the root beer float (okay, not really MUCH consideration).

The shakes came in tall glasses, accompanied by the metal shaker and a long spoon to scoop up every last bit of shake.  Made to order, the shakes are clearly made from real ice cream and in my case REAL Oreos (not those Fakereos my mother tried to pass off to us kids).  I can wax poetically about the creaminess of the shake or the generous chunks of cookie dancing throughout it. But let’s just get down to brass tacks: that shake was DAMN good.  Much to Brian and The Boy’s surprise, I finished off the glass way before anyone else at the table. Lucky for me, I still had some leftover shake in the container to go with my dinner.  Which arrived looking like this:

I made a beeline for the macaroni and cheese and was instantly pleased.  A creamy blend of four cheeses, the mac and cheese was a salute to my Grandmother’s kitchen.  Down to the bread crumb topping, the macaroni and cheese WAS comfort personafied.  Although it was hard to turn away from it, I moved from the macaroni and cheese to the bacon and blue cheese Brussel sprouts.  The sprouts were cooked perfectly: tender yet solid with bits of almost burnt leaves throughout.  The blue cheese was generously sprinkled along the sprouts, leaving no doubt in the eater’s mind of its presence.  The cheese served as a wonderful culinary foil to the thick chunks of bacon (mmmmm…bacon) and the “green stuff” (Brian’s phrase for Brussel sprouts).

Before I hit the country fried steak, I noticed The Boy hadn’t said a word since his plate was placed before him.  Granted, he tends on the quiet side, it was still unusual for him to be that quiet.  When I looked over at him, I realized he wasn’t talking because his mouth was otherwise preoccupied with pork.  He was going to town on the ribs, having already sucked several bones clean.

“So, are the ribs good?” I asked, staring at the graveyard of bones piling up on his plate.  His response? A grunt, a nod and a casting off of yet another clean bone.  Brian had also dug into his meat loaf and macaroni and cheese, noting that although both were very good, they were a bit lukewarm.  I hadn’t really noticed the temperature of the food until he mentioned it. And while the meal was by no means cold, it wasn’t as hot as one would expect.  But considering how hungry I was, I was a bit glad that I could quickly dig into the food placed before me.  I chalked it up to a few opening kinks in the kitchen and plowed on through my meal.

The whole idea behind country fried steak is to take a tough (read: cheap) cut of beef and render it edible by deep frying the hell out of it and topping it with a rich gravy.  When I cut into Ted’s version of this steak, the quality of the meat was noticeably better than what my Grandmother used.  It was tender, yet clearly sturdy enough to stand up to the battering and oil bath of deep frying.  The breading was crispy without a hint of grease, a minor miracle for any country fried steak.  The gravy wasn’t as heavy as the usual sawmill gravy that accompanies such a steak.  Instead, it was a slightly sophisticated white gravy with hints of black pepper and herbs (I think I tasted a fresh parsley note…but don’t quote me on it).

Around the time I was struggling to finish off the last of the country fried steak, I looked up and saw the front room had started to get packed with diners waiting for their turn.  I also noticed that Ted’s has something a lot of DC restaurants lack: enough space for people to wait comfortably to be seated.  From the wide spaces at the bar to the open foyer, you can wait for a table without feeling like you’re sitting in a stranger’s lap.  And throughout our meal, even as the crowd of people waiting grew, not once did our server make us feel rushed. In fact, she encouraged us to take our time and not rush through our dinner.

At this point, I was pretty much ready to pop and it was evident my dining companions felt the same way.  Our server returned to the table and offered to tell us about Ted’s selection of desserts, baked goods and pastries, all of which can be ordered to go.  When she mentioned the housemade pop tarts, I was intrigued…until she got to the very last dessert item: 7-Up pound cake.  Brian and I both looked at each other in astonishment, as neither of us had heard it mentioned for years (let alone at a restaurant above the Mason Dixon line).  My Grandmother was famous in Southern Georgia for her 7-Up cake with its lemony glaze and that pull compelled me to order one to go.  It came in a plain, brown paper bag – something any good Southern cake would be expected to travel in.  As I write this post now, I’m breaking into that 7-Up cake…and my Grandmother would definitely be proud of it.

It is obvious Ted’s Bulletin is going for a specific concept, something that usually spells disaster for a restaurant.  But with it’s concentration on making classic fare amazing and creating a laid back and whimsical atmosphere, Ted’s succeeds.  I haven’t had a restaurant make me smile this much since Bourbon Steak DC.  And while Bourbon Steak does upscale without the snootiness, Ted’s does comfort food with grace and sophistication.  And the cherry on top? This morning, The Boy (who graciously paid for our dinner) mentioned that the entire bill only came to $78.  For the amount of food we three plowed through, I was amazed it didn’t cost more.  Granted, none of us got a cocktail, but for the quality of food and service we received, I was surprised at the affordability.  Even with the few menu hiccups, Ted’s Bulletin managed to make one helluva impression on this Southern girl.  And considering the myriad of restaurants I visit but don’t blog about, the very existence of this post says it all.

My Saturday didn’t start out very good.  Remember that little skydiving thing I told you about?  Didn’t happen…and not because I chickened out.  In fact, I even got on the plane, hooked up to my tandem instructor and ready to go.  But the plane had to be grounded due to mechanical issues.  That was the least of the problems with the whole skydiving attempt, but I shall save that until after I reschedule my second skydiving attempt.  Besides, this isn’t what the post is really about…it’s about what I did to console myself after such disappointment.  On our way back from Virginia, we all decided to stop at Ray’s Hellburger for a bite to eat.  This place was on my radar far before Obama and Biden’s lunchtime jaunt caused CNN to waste over 20 minutes of airtime discussing the merits of how the President orders his burgers.  Since starting this Great DC Burger hunt, I have heard time and time again, “You’ve gotta try Ray’s Hellburger”…I think even a few of you commented as such on previous Great DC Burger hunt posts.  However, after being disappointed by the overly hyped (in my opinion) Palena burger, I was hesitant to try another hyped up burger.  I am happy to report, however, that my hesitation was for not as Ray’s Hellburger KICKS ASS!

Let’s just start with the fact that there was quite a line waiting when we showed up on Saturday at around 6 pm.  A handwritten sign on the door explained that due to the recent media exposure, wait times for a table were much higher than normal.  After the day I had, I wasn’t looking forward to waiting outside for a long time to get a mediocre burger.  But we were told the wait was around 20 minutes and even provided menus while in line.  And the smell of grilling beef that wafted down the line every time the restaurant door opened made the wait seem worthwhile.  I looked over the menu, a simple white sheet of paper with the burger options typed up.  I was impressed with the number and variety of toppings available, giving customers the option of a simple, down home burger or fancying it up with everything from artisanal cheeses to foie gras (yes, you read that correctly…they offer foie gras on a burger).

In keeping in line with my Great DC Burger hunt rules, I chose a cheese (the Gouda) and the applewood smoked bacon to top my medium (the menu assured the customer the burger would be slightly pink), grilled burger.  Although we were told the wait would be around 20 minutes, we actually were allowed into the restaurant a mere 10 minutes after standing in line.  As I was ordering, I noticed the sides (which apparently change frequently) available were cheesy puffs, macaroni and cheese and something else that didn’t involve cheese (and therefore was immediately erased from my memory bank).  I ordered the cheesy puffs, while my friend Carmen ordered the macaroni and cheese.  The Boy opted against any sides after seeing the massive size of the burger itself while waiting in line.  Once seated, you wait for waiters to bring your food out to your table (and finding a table can be a bit hectic).  It didn’t take too long before our order came up and a burger the size of a small cow was placed in front of me.  Even though I was famished, I remembered to take the proper notes on all the elements I have been judging during my burger hunt.

Appearance: This had to be one of the biggest burgers I’d ever encountered in my life.  The patty is 10 ounces of top choice beef, made by hand right in front of the customers (there is no dividing wall between the kitchen and the customer area).  I noticed the bun looked very sturdy, especially considering the massive amount of beef it was supporting.  There was also no bun shininess, which I had grown used to seeing in the other burgers I’d encountered.  The bun looked like it was freshly baked, not something purchased from a restaurant supply store.  The Gouda was actually a Dutch mustard seed Gouda.  Tiny flecks dotted the cheese, making it look a bit like ants were invading my food.  The bacon looked perfectly cooked, free of any uncooked fat and yet not burned to a crisp.   I also noticed the tomato was thoughtfully set to the side of the burger.  I wasn’t really sure how I was going to get a grip on this gigantic thing, let alone take a bite.  But I was starving, so I grabbed the burger and unhooked my jaw to get a good first bite.

Bun:  The bun, even though sturdy, was actually soft to the touch and lightly toasted.  It tasted fresh, as if it had been made that very morning.  I usually go into more detail about the taste of the bun but I’ll be honest:  the bun was only the holder of the amazingly tasty patty.  Its taste in no way took away from the beef, which was obviously the main star of this burger.

Toppings:  The Gouda had a lovely bite to it without overpowering the beef itself.  The specks of mustard seed gave the usually soft taste of a Gouda cheese more depth.  And the cheese was evenly melted along the surface of the patty.  From the first to the last bite, I could taste a bit of Gouda with every morsel.  But as with the bun, the Gouda in no way took away from the taste of the patty.  The bacon was perfectly cooked, neither greasy nor salty, giving an added smokiness to the burger.  Uhmmm, but really who am I kidding?  The toppings could have all taken a hike and this burger would have still been amazing because of the patty itself.

Patty:  In all of my burger eating years, I have never understood how some people could eat just a plain burger.  I was always of the camp that a good burger needed at least one good topping (cheese…cheese…cheese).  I now understand the ways of the plain burger folks.  The patty was exceptional – pure ground aged prime beef allowed to shine on its own.  The beef was so flavorful and tender, it practically melted in my mouth.  It was heavenly and it made me almost regret disturbing it with the other toppings.  Even as I write this now, my mouth is watering remembering it.  There was no need for any seasonings because the quality of beef used to make the patty was so high, it spoke for itself.

Overall:  This, my friends, is what a burger should taste like.  Yes it’s big and messy (the natural juices from the grilled beef ooze out onto the plate), but it’s worth running the risk of staining your clothes.  I am not one to buy into a restaurant’s hype and generally find that when DCites rave about a place, it’s usually not all that good.  However, this is one time in which the food lived up to the DC hype.  This is the kind of burger other places like Good Stuff Eatery want to be but will never come close to achieving.  And after eating at Ray’s, I now understand that it’s much more than just the quality of the toppings when it comes to a burger.  It’s about the quality of the beef and allowing it to shine on its own.

I could go on and on about it, but that only makes me hungry and sad that Ray’s Hellburger isn’t closer to Columbia Heights.  Carmen’s already lamenting the fact that she doesn’t think she can eat a burger from anywhere else.  Simply put:  this is a damn fine burger and all other burgers must bow in its wake.  I’m not, however, ending my taste testing here.  Although I’m skeptical that another burger could come close to Ray’s, Central, Kemble Park Tavern, King Street Blues and Axis Bar and Grill are still on my list.  And keep the suggestions coming for other places to try!

Current Great DC Burger Hunt Standings:

1.    Ray’s Hellburger
2.    All the other crap…what, you don’t think that’s professional?  Okay fine!

2.    Stoney’s
3.    Trio
4.    DC Chophouse and Palena (I still think they both are equally boring burgers)

It was with excitement and anticipation that I headed out last Wednesday to meet up with City Girl DC for what I was hoping would be an excellent burger.  I’d heard so many raves about the Palena burger, I couldn’t help but have slightly elevated hopes.  This could be THE burger, I thought as we were seated in the cozy restaurant.  But I am sad to report that this in fact, was not THE burger…it was not even in the same zip code as THE burger.  I’m sure I will hear a bit of rumbling on this, but I have City Girl DC to back me up:  the Palena burger was positively boring and tasteless.

Let me start by saying, the service at Palena was excellent.  This is a charming little restaurant, right next to the Cleveland Park metro.  From the time I walked in, the staff was attentive, friendly and very helpful.  The front room of the restaurant was a bit noisy, however, we were seated in an intimate little booth for two.  The decor and atmosphere lends itself to a romantic dinner for two (perfect for say…Valentine’s Day) or a nice dinner with a friend (as was the case with me).  Looking at the menu, I almost regretted the fact that I was only having the burger.  The day’s offerings sounded wonderful, including the housemade cotecchino sausage with a kabocha squash raviolini.  The other dishes being served to neighboring tables looked and smelled delicious, so my expectations were bolstered even further.  Such great service and fantastic looking food had to bode well for me, right?  Uhmmm, no.  As tempting as everything else was, however, I stayed true to my mission and ordered the Palena burger with their Palena frites plate.  And this was a decision I regretted from the very first bite.

Appearance:  The burger arrived on a simple plate garnished with a pickle, a lone cauliflower and a beet.  It was an odd presentation to say the least.  Honestly, what connection do cauliflower and beets have to a burger?  I was a little taken aback by those choices but focused on the burger itself.  The bun was nondescript and lacked the infamous bun shininess.  The patty itself was of a nice thickness and didn’t appear to be greasy, while the cheese was very evident and looked to be evenly melted.  I immediately asked the server for some mayonnaise (as I’d forgotten to mention it while ordering) and was told there was already housemade mayonnaise on the bun.  Upon closer inspection, I did notice the thinnest layer of mayonnaise known to man.  Considering I like to taste the mayonnaise on my burgers, I happily accepted when the server offered to bring out more (I told you the service was excellent, didn’t I).  Overall, the burger didn’t look that exceptional.  In fact, I’ve seen more enticing burgers at Fourth of July cookouts.  I will admit the look of the burger put a damper on my expectations, but I gamely soldiered on.

Bun:  As I mentioned above, the bun lacked the shininess that I’d come to expect.  From the beginning, the bun and I had problems.  The minute I picked it up, a small section came off in my hand.  As I continued to eat, pieces of the bun kept flaking off.  This made it hard to eat the burger, as the bun kept falling apart.  Although it was toasted well, it wasn’t sturdy enough to hold the burger in place.  And unlike the buns at Trio, Stoney’s or even DC Chophouse, this bun didn’t taste housemade.  In fact, it tasted like your standard variety deli burger bun…and I don’t mean that as a compliment.

Toppings:  To say the burger was bereft of toppings is an understatement.  Besides the invisible mayonnaise, the only other accompaniment to the patty was the cheese.  Even though I am usually not a fan of tomato or lettuce on a burger, I found it unusual for both to be missing.  And unfortunately, bacon was not an optional topping for the burger.  Although I added more mayonnaise, there wasn’t much flavor to it at all.  A faint echo of garlic was evident on occasion, but overall the mayonnaise added nothing to the burger.  The saddest thing of all?  The case (yet again) of the missing cheese.  While the cheese was evenly melted over the patty, the taste was definitely not there.  On my first bite, I couldn’t taste the cheese at all.  As I continued on, even though I saw the cheese before biting into the burger, I tasted nothing.  Finally out of exasperation, I pinched off a bit of the cheese and popped it in my mouth.  And it tasted like Saran Wrap…I kid you not.  There was absolutely no flavor to the cheese at all.  I looked over at City Girl DC and she agreed the cheese had no flavor to it.  We couldn’t even identify what type of cheese it was.  We asked the server and was told it was a cheese infused with truffles.  I almost laughed out loud because there was absolutely no resemblance to truffles in the cheese.  The earthiness that truffles bring to a dish was completely absent from the cheese…the cheese that tasted like plastic wrap.

Patty:  The only good thing I can say about the patty is that at least it wasn’t greasy.  However, it was also very dry; even City Girl DC’s medium cooked burger was dry.  After a few chews, the beef turned into saw dust in my mouth and was hard to swallow.  As with the burger at DC Chophouse, the Palena burger had absolutely no flavor to it (note to restaurants:  use salt and pepper now and again in burger patties).  It’s actually very difficult for me to attempt to describe the taste of the patty because there is only so many ways to say “there wasn’t any”.

Overall:  This burger was one of the biggest disappointments in my restaurant dining experiences.  All of the elements lacked flavor, giving way to a burger that may as well have been a rice cake.  It was uninspired, pedestrian and flat out boring.  In fact, both City Girl DC and I left half of the burger uneaten on our plate.  After foregoing the many other tempting dishes on the menu, I was more than a little put out by the bland nature of the Palena burger.  I have a feeling Palena’s other dishes are far superior to their burger and wouldn’t hesitate in returning to give them a try.  But I would steer far clear of the Palena burger.  After being rocked to the core by the less than stellar third burger at Trio, I was hoping to be swept off my proverbial burger feet by Palena.  Sadly, my feet are still firmly planted on the ground…and still on the hunt for the best burger in DC.  As it stands right now (and this is based on the most recent Trio burger tasting):

1. Stoney’s

2. Trio

3. DC Chophouse and Palena tied (both were equally uninspiring)

My trip to Kemble Park Tavern was postponed but next up:  Central, King Street Blues, Ray’s Hell Burger and Kemble Park Tavern.  Keep the suggestions coming!

When I decided to go on the hunt for the best burger in DC, I promised myself I would be true and honest to the process.  I would, to the best of my abilities, remove all bias and provide my unvarnished opinions.  It is with this in mind that I decided I must provide an update on the burger that started it all at Trio.  Last night, after a very long and drawn out week, The Boy and I decided to pick up a couple of burgers from Trio (and dessert…but we’re not here to discuss my ever increasing sweet tooth).  I had already had Trio’s burgers twice (and obviously loved them…leading to this mad, wonderful, beef fueled quest), so I wasn’t thinking of this trek as a part of the Great DC Burger Hunt series.  Because I wasn’t planning on reviewing it, I decided to opt for their Mushroom Swiss Bacon burger.  When we got home, I happily sat down to this lovely looking burger…and was utterly disappointed.  Oh yes, you read that right…I was disappointed.

I will admit, I was floored…flumoxed…shaken to the very burger core.  Wait, okay…let me start from the beginning.  First off, I took these pictures of the burger with the intent of captioning them “The Lovely Burger That Started It All…”  But when I looked at the burger closer, I noticed the bun wasn’t shiny like Stoney’s or even DC Chophouse’s burger buns.  But I did notice the even toasting of the bread.  As you can see, the bacon was fully cooked and crisp, but the mushrooms (which you can’t really see) were rather dry looking.  In my previous mushroom and swiss burger experiences, the mushrooms are usually sauted in a light sauce before topping the burger.  These looked like reconstituted mushrooms or actually dried bits of shoe leather.  My heart was starting to sink a little.  I looked over at The Boy, who had already bitten into his burger.

“Is it as tasty as we remember?” I asked him, hopeful.

“Ehhh…it’s allright,” was his response.

It’s allright??? Seriously?  You mean I have proclaimed how amazing this burger was on my blog and you’re saying “It’s allright”????? Oh this was not good, I thought as I nervously bit into my burger.  And sadly, he was right…it was only “allright”.  I could barely taste the cheese.  Not that it wasn’t present in each bite, but the flavor was missing.  A good swiss cheese has a nice bite to it with a silken undertone of quality milk.  This swiss cheese had no flavor to it at all.  In fact, I may as well have been eating a plain hamburger for all the “flavor” the cheese added to it.  Then there was the patty…oh the humanity!  The patty had absolutely no seasoning to it at all.  Not even salt or pepper from the taste of it.  I could still tell that it was fresh ground beef and not a thawed out patty, but that was the only good thing about it.  In vein, I took several more bites, hoping the burger would improve.  But it didn’t…and that’s just sad.

I wondered, had I imagined the gloriousness of my two previous Trio burgers?  Well, no because then that would mean The Boy was also in on my delusions (and that’s just weird).  So what could it be?  Perhaps Trio was having a bad night…or maybe their carryout burgers aren’t as good?  I don’t know how to explain it but all I know is that Trio is in danger of losing it’s top spot.  I will try them one more time and if I get another disappointing burger, I will be forced to rate them on that experience and not my previous ones. Ohhh Trio, say it ain’t so!

If it turns out that my first few Trio experiences were an illusion, at least they started this wonderful, crazy almost Monty Pythonesque quest for the best burger in DC, right?  Tonight we dine at Kemble Park Tavern and if City Girl DC feels better next week, she’s accompanying me to Palena!  So stay tuned!