Great DC Burger Hunt Continues…Ray’s Hellburger

My Saturday didn’t start out very good.  Remember that little skydiving thing I told you about?  Didn’t happen…and not because I chickened out.  In fact, I even got on the plane, hooked up to my tandem instructor and ready to go.  But the plane had to be grounded due to mechanical issues.  That was the least of the problems with the whole skydiving attempt, but I shall save that until after I reschedule my second skydiving attempt.  Besides, this isn’t what the post is really about…it’s about what I did to console myself after such disappointment.  On our way back from Virginia, we all decided to stop at Ray’s Hellburger for a bite to eat.  This place was on my radar far before Obama and Biden’s lunchtime jaunt caused CNN to waste over 20 minutes of airtime discussing the merits of how the President orders his burgers.  Since starting this Great DC Burger hunt, I have heard time and time again, “You’ve gotta try Ray’s Hellburger”…I think even a few of you commented as such on previous Great DC Burger hunt posts.  However, after being disappointed by the overly hyped (in my opinion) Palena burger, I was hesitant to try another hyped up burger.  I am happy to report, however, that my hesitation was for not as Ray’s Hellburger KICKS ASS!

Let’s just start with the fact that there was quite a line waiting when we showed up on Saturday at around 6 pm.  A handwritten sign on the door explained that due to the recent media exposure, wait times for a table were much higher than normal.  After the day I had, I wasn’t looking forward to waiting outside for a long time to get a mediocre burger.  But we were told the wait was around 20 minutes and even provided menus while in line.  And the smell of grilling beef that wafted down the line every time the restaurant door opened made the wait seem worthwhile.  I looked over the menu, a simple white sheet of paper with the burger options typed up.  I was impressed with the number and variety of toppings available, giving customers the option of a simple, down home burger or fancying it up with everything from artisanal cheeses to foie gras (yes, you read that correctly…they offer foie gras on a burger).

In keeping in line with my Great DC Burger hunt rules, I chose a cheese (the Gouda) and the applewood smoked bacon to top my medium (the menu assured the customer the burger would be slightly pink), grilled burger.  Although we were told the wait would be around 20 minutes, we actually were allowed into the restaurant a mere 10 minutes after standing in line.  As I was ordering, I noticed the sides (which apparently change frequently) available were cheesy puffs, macaroni and cheese and something else that didn’t involve cheese (and therefore was immediately erased from my memory bank).  I ordered the cheesy puffs, while my friend Carmen ordered the macaroni and cheese.  The Boy opted against any sides after seeing the massive size of the burger itself while waiting in line.  Once seated, you wait for waiters to bring your food out to your table (and finding a table can be a bit hectic).  It didn’t take too long before our order came up and a burger the size of a small cow was placed in front of me.  Even though I was famished, I remembered to take the proper notes on all the elements I have been judging during my burger hunt.

Appearance: This had to be one of the biggest burgers I’d ever encountered in my life.  The patty is 10 ounces of top choice beef, made by hand right in front of the customers (there is no dividing wall between the kitchen and the customer area).  I noticed the bun looked very sturdy, especially considering the massive amount of beef it was supporting.  There was also no bun shininess, which I had grown used to seeing in the other burgers I’d encountered.  The bun looked like it was freshly baked, not something purchased from a restaurant supply store.  The Gouda was actually a Dutch mustard seed Gouda.  Tiny flecks dotted the cheese, making it look a bit like ants were invading my food.  The bacon looked perfectly cooked, free of any uncooked fat and yet not burned to a crisp.   I also noticed the tomato was thoughtfully set to the side of the burger.  I wasn’t really sure how I was going to get a grip on this gigantic thing, let alone take a bite.  But I was starving, so I grabbed the burger and unhooked my jaw to get a good first bite.

Bun:  The bun, even though sturdy, was actually soft to the touch and lightly toasted.  It tasted fresh, as if it had been made that very morning.  I usually go into more detail about the taste of the bun but I’ll be honest:  the bun was only the holder of the amazingly tasty patty.  Its taste in no way took away from the beef, which was obviously the main star of this burger.

Toppings:  The Gouda had a lovely bite to it without overpowering the beef itself.  The specks of mustard seed gave the usually soft taste of a Gouda cheese more depth.  And the cheese was evenly melted along the surface of the patty.  From the first to the last bite, I could taste a bit of Gouda with every morsel.  But as with the bun, the Gouda in no way took away from the taste of the patty.  The bacon was perfectly cooked, neither greasy nor salty, giving an added smokiness to the burger.  Uhmmm, but really who am I kidding?  The toppings could have all taken a hike and this burger would have still been amazing because of the patty itself.

Patty:  In all of my burger eating years, I have never understood how some people could eat just a plain burger.  I was always of the camp that a good burger needed at least one good topping (cheese…cheese…cheese).  I now understand the ways of the plain burger folks.  The patty was exceptional – pure ground aged prime beef allowed to shine on its own.  The beef was so flavorful and tender, it practically melted in my mouth.  It was heavenly and it made me almost regret disturbing it with the other toppings.  Even as I write this now, my mouth is watering remembering it.  There was no need for any seasonings because the quality of beef used to make the patty was so high, it spoke for itself.

Overall:  This, my friends, is what a burger should taste like.  Yes it’s big and messy (the natural juices from the grilled beef ooze out onto the plate), but it’s worth running the risk of staining your clothes.  I am not one to buy into a restaurant’s hype and generally find that when DCites rave about a place, it’s usually not all that good.  However, this is one time in which the food lived up to the DC hype.  This is the kind of burger other places like Good Stuff Eatery want to be but will never come close to achieving.  And after eating at Ray’s, I now understand that it’s much more than just the quality of the toppings when it comes to a burger.  It’s about the quality of the beef and allowing it to shine on its own.

I could go on and on about it, but that only makes me hungry and sad that Ray’s Hellburger isn’t closer to Columbia Heights.  Carmen’s already lamenting the fact that she doesn’t think she can eat a burger from anywhere else.  Simply put:  this is a damn fine burger and all other burgers must bow in its wake.  I’m not, however, ending my taste testing here.  Although I’m skeptical that another burger could come close to Ray’s, Central, Kemble Park Tavern, King Street Blues and Axis Bar and Grill are still on my list.  And keep the suggestions coming for other places to try!

Current Great DC Burger Hunt Standings:

1.    Ray’s Hellburger
2.    All the other crap…what, you don’t think that’s professional?  Okay fine!

2.    Stoney’s
3.    Trio
4.    DC Chophouse and Palena (I still think they both are equally boring burgers)

Tagged as: Burgers, Burgers in Washington DC, DC, DC Burgers, DC Restaurant Reviews, DC Restaurants, Great DC Burger Hunt, Ray's Hellburger, Restaurant Review, Washington DC, Washington DC Burgers