It was with excitement and anticipation that I headed out last Wednesday to meet up with City Girl DC for what I was hoping would be an excellent burger. I’d heard so many raves about the Palena burger, I couldn’t help but have slightly elevated hopes. This could be THE burger, I thought as we were seated in the cozy restaurant. But I am sad to report that this in fact, was not THE burger…it was not even in the same zip code as THE burger. I’m sure I will hear a bit of rumbling on this, but I have City Girl DC to back me up: the Palena burger was positively boring and tasteless.
Let me start by saying, the service at Palena was excellent. This is a charming little restaurant, right next to the Cleveland Park metro. From the time I walked in, the staff was attentive, friendly and very helpful. The front room of the restaurant was a bit noisy, however, we were seated in an intimate little booth for two. The decor and atmosphere lends itself to a romantic dinner for two (perfect for say…Valentine’s Day) or a nice dinner with a friend (as was the case with me). Looking at the menu, I almost regretted the fact that I was only having the burger. The day’s offerings sounded wonderful, including the housemade cotecchino sausage with a kabocha squash raviolini. The other dishes being served to neighboring tables looked and smelled delicious, so my expectations were bolstered even further. Such great service and fantastic looking food had to bode well for me, right? Uhmmm, no. As tempting as everything else was, however, I stayed true to my mission and ordered the Palena burger with their Palena frites plate. And this was a decision I regretted from the very first bite.
Appearance: The burger arrived on a simple plate garnished with a pickle, a lone cauliflower and a beet. It was an odd presentation to say the least. Honestly, what connection do cauliflower and beets have to a burger? I was a little taken aback by those choices but focused on the burger itself. The bun was nondescript and lacked the infamous bun shininess. The patty itself was of a nice thickness and didn’t appear to be greasy, while the cheese was very evident and looked to be evenly melted. I immediately asked the server for some mayonnaise (as I’d forgotten to mention it while ordering) and was told there was already housemade mayonnaise on the bun. Upon closer inspection, I did notice the thinnest layer of mayonnaise known to man. Considering I like to taste the mayonnaise on my burgers, I happily accepted when the server offered to bring out more (I told you the service was excellent, didn’t I). Overall, the burger didn’t look that exceptional. In fact, I’ve seen more enticing burgers at Fourth of July cookouts. I will admit the look of the burger put a damper on my expectations, but I gamely soldiered on.
Bun: As I mentioned above, the bun lacked the shininess that I’d come to expect. From the beginning, the bun and I had problems. The minute I picked it up, a small section came off in my hand. As I continued to eat, pieces of the bun kept flaking off. This made it hard to eat the burger, as the bun kept falling apart. Although it was toasted well, it wasn’t sturdy enough to hold the burger in place. And unlike the buns at Trio, Stoney’s or even DC Chophouse, this bun didn’t taste housemade. In fact, it tasted like your standard variety deli burger bun…and I don’t mean that as a compliment.
Toppings: To say the burger was bereft of toppings is an understatement. Besides the invisible mayonnaise, the only other accompaniment to the patty was the cheese. Even though I am usually not a fan of tomato or lettuce on a burger, I found it unusual for both to be missing. And unfortunately, bacon was not an optional topping for the burger. Although I added more mayonnaise, there wasn’t much flavor to it at all. A faint echo of garlic was evident on occasion, but overall the mayonnaise added nothing to the burger. The saddest thing of all? The case (yet again) of the missing cheese. While the cheese was evenly melted over the patty, the taste was definitely not there. On my first bite, I couldn’t taste the cheese at all. As I continued on, even though I saw the cheese before biting into the burger, I tasted nothing. Finally out of exasperation, I pinched off a bit of the cheese and popped it in my mouth. And it tasted like Saran Wrap…I kid you not. There was absolutely no flavor to the cheese at all. I looked over at City Girl DC and she agreed the cheese had no flavor to it. We couldn’t even identify what type of cheese it was. We asked the server and was told it was a cheese infused with truffles. I almost laughed out loud because there was absolutely no resemblance to truffles in the cheese. The earthiness that truffles bring to a dish was completely absent from the cheese…the cheese that tasted like plastic wrap.
Patty: The only good thing I can say about the patty is that at least it wasn’t greasy. However, it was also very dry; even City Girl DC’s medium cooked burger was dry. After a few chews, the beef turned into saw dust in my mouth and was hard to swallow. As with the burger at DC Chophouse, the Palena burger had absolutely no flavor to it (note to restaurants: use salt and pepper now and again in burger patties). It’s actually very difficult for me to attempt to describe the taste of the patty because there is only so many ways to say “there wasn’t any”.
Overall: This burger was one of the biggest disappointments in my restaurant dining experiences. All of the elements lacked flavor, giving way to a burger that may as well have been a rice cake. It was uninspired, pedestrian and flat out boring. In fact, both City Girl DC and I left half of the burger uneaten on our plate. After foregoing the many other tempting dishes on the menu, I was more than a little put out by the bland nature of the Palena burger. I have a feeling Palena’s other dishes are far superior to their burger and wouldn’t hesitate in returning to give them a try. But I would steer far clear of the Palena burger. After being rocked to the core by the less than stellar third burger at Trio, I was hoping to be swept off my proverbial burger feet by Palena. Sadly, my feet are still firmly planted on the ground…and still on the hunt for the best burger in DC. As it stands right now (and this is based on the most recent Trio burger tasting):
1. Stoney’s
2. Trio
3. DC Chophouse and Palena tied (both were equally uninspiring)
My trip to Kemble Park Tavern was postponed but next up: Central, King Street Blues, Ray’s Hell Burger and Kemble Park Tavern. Keep the suggestions coming!
Print This Recipe
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Well, I guess I am glad I didn’t accompany you to Palena.
I am still convinced that the problem with the last Trio burger we had was because it was carry-out. I don’t know if it is because it sat longer before being eaten or if maybe they actually do something different to the carry-out burgers. We may just have to go back and eat one there to make sure.
That was a great summary of our burger experience. I just hate being bored with my food. It always feels like such a waste of my taste buds. But I would like to go again and try other dishes. I hear the roast chicken is amazing. And yes, the service was wonderful! It would be nice if I knew a guy who had sense enough to take me there on a date!
wow! I haven’t had the touted Palena burger yet, and have felt so lame due to all the hype. But, good for you for being honest in your review. If and when I do get to Palena Cafe, I will weigh your experience with other offerings on the menu, and decide accordingly. I just may pass on the burger…
@ City Girl DC – We’re still on for Central, right? I’m dying to try their burger now.
@ Ramona – Well as much as I wanted it to be a great burger, for me it didn’t cut it. I’m sure I’ll get tons of flack for it, but I am just trying to be true to myself.
@ Rickbman – As you know, my plan is to go back and re-try all the burgers I have reviewed, so I will be revisiting Trio again.
Shaw-I have had the Central burger and will say it was terrific-beyond delicious. I ordered it med/rare and to me, that really showed the burger in a great light.
Can’t wait to hear what you think!
I totally agree with your review on the Palena burger. I too had been hearing amazing reviews but was completely underwhelmed. I’m wondering if in summer you get toppings since they would be in season?
For a good burger try Lia’s in Friendship Heights or Chef Geoff in DC. They have a great lunch and happy hour deal and the burgers are pretty good.
@ Capitalarch – I’m not sure how Palena got such a reputation for a great burger. Even with a few more toppings, the lack of flavor in the patty and cheese wouldn’t have been solved.
Thanks for the suggestions. I’ve been to Chef Geoff’s once a while back but I’ll have to try their burger. I’ve heard of Lia’s, so I will also add it to the list.
have you ever tried the burger at peakock cafe on prospect street (off wisconsin)? soooo good
Shaw Girl–
I’m glad you still agree with me that Stoney’s has the best burgers around!!
Try Ray’s Hell-burger, then the burger at Talulla’s Eat Bar. Both are tip top.
I could not disagree more. This is the only review of yours I have read, because I just had this burger last night and wanted to see what others thought. The problems I have most with this review are as follows:
1. Toppings – A good burger should NEVER have more than the slightest bit of topping, especially something like mayo that tends to drown out the flavor of the burger (which you contend wasn’t there anyhow). I can only assume that you actually like the taste of mayo, not good burgers. Food lovers and critics would compare that to a hot dog slathered with ketchup – real hot dog lovers don’t let ketchup anywhere near them.
2. Doneness – You mention that “even CityGirl’s medium-cooked burger was dry”, which means to me that you had something medium-well or up (I don’t recall reading that). People who love burgers for the taste of the meat should never eat them past medium-rare. To do so is your decision, but don’t think that your review on the burger alone is applicable to the general burger-loving crowd, because to some of us, you have committed heresy.
3. Sides – Although I must admit, the AMOUNT of pickled vegetables disappointed me, the taste did not. They were pickled in what must have been a curried brine, and they were not only delicious but were to act as a palate-cleanser, like ginger with sushi. How, may I ask, do you think fries complement the flavor of a burger?
4. Cheese – You couldn’t taste the cheese? And when you did, it tasted like saran wrap? Do you smoke? I thought the cheese was quite tasty, and not only that, was the perfect match for the burger, which was also very tasty in my opinion.
I’ve noted that you’re not the only person on the net that holds this opinion, and I respect your opinions in the same way that I respect that my wife cannot appreciate Gorgonzola cheese. That’s cool, as long as she realizes she only represents the (minority of) cheese lovers that don’t like mold in their cheese.
In other words, I believe that there’s a bunch of people that would not appreciate this burger. However, I’m sad that this comes up #1 in google for “Palena DC burger” because I, as a (fellow?) burger-lover, thought this burger was absolutely delightful. Given this review though, I will go out and try Stoney’s next time I’m in the area, but my expectations are low – given this review, I expect it to be an over-seasoned, mayo-drenched burger in a McDonald’s sesame seed bun, and with a side of Arby’s seasoned curly fries — and in a way, if that were true, I would consider your tastes on par with the average Mid-Atlantic consumer. I guess I just deviate from that average substantially, and so did both of my companions to Palena.
@ Matt – Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I in no way am setting myself up as a burger expert. I am merely a person who loves a good burger and am searching for one that suits MY tastes. But to answer your questions:
1. I am a very big cheese fan and have never smoked a day in my life. I have even made my own cheeses. I know a good quality cheese when I taste one and the cheese on that burger was not it. There was zero taste to it and I can identify a truffle blindfolded.
2. I actually don’t like a lot of toppings on my burger but enjoy simply having the meat, a cheese and bacon (sometimes). I use a very small amount of condiments but when I do use them, I at least want to taste them. Once again, I have made my own mayonnaise so I know good quality mayo when I come across it. This was not it.
3. I know just as many people who love burgers medium well to well done as those who love it medium rare. And I had the burger both ways (I went again with another friend and tried it medium rare). Both times the burger was dry. I love the taste of meat but I also like to try it at differing levels of doneness. When a burger patty is made of good quality meat, the burger doesn’t come off bland. This was not the case with either of my Palena burgers.
I appreciate your opinions and you are more than welcome to disagree. But don’t attack me personally because you don’t agree with MY tastes.